AWKWARD SILENCE

This is for all of those people going to a Thanksgiving Party where you know NO one but the person you are going with. Sometimes people just have nothing in common and even small talk becomes painful. I only thought of this because I have been to this type of party before and thanksgiving or not, it just sucks. I will be dining with family and football so I'm in the clear, but for all of you who are going through what I just described. I feel for you..

THE REAL TURDUCKEN STORY

It's a gruesome truth and to be honest it all happened so fast I had little time to think about it, but now looking back at that moment of Visceral Bloody Hunger on all parties I can't help but feel a little bit bad about what transpired. Let's think of it as an unlikely food chain that nature intended on. Yeah. That's it... Turducken: The most delicious of events.

DAYTIME AND TERRIFYING

This all started when I went for a late night long run with my brother along the tow path in princeton. Twas a beautiful run....at first, but when it became night time and pitch black out every little branch that broke or if I heard something fall into the water made me jump. THEN for some reason I started thinking about what if I was running in the time of the dinosaurs at night. That would realllyyy suck. You hear that squeal of the Velociraptor or that other dinosaur that spits stuff on you from Jurassic Park. Terrifying right? I think this drawing explains how scary it can get.

BIG BROTHER

This is drawing I did of my little nephew James holding his new baby Sister Emilie Rose. We thought he was going to be the jealous brother who didn't want to share his mom but it turns out he's just the opposite, taking on the protective brother thing already. This is like cute overload. I had to draw it. I mean... how could you not.

BIRD..CHICKENISH PLAYING THE WHO

This bird really doesn't look like a chicken, but maybe it's a new type of chicken you've just never seen before. Anywho, this "chicken" is doing his best to preform the song who are you by The Who. He's doing it all by himself and I'm sure you can appreciate the skill this "chicken" wields by accomplishing this task. It's silly I know, but dressing up animals is fun. Period. the end.

SWORDS NOT GUNS

I wake up every morning to the news and some report of gun violence in the streets. I'm like, this is just cowardly and terrible. I know people would like to defend themselves, blah blah blah, but how about instead of just trying to get people not to carry guns we hand them a samurai sword when they turn over the guns. This way, if you do get into a battle it's probably going to end with just one death and not several and at least there is some skill involved in sword play. I know this is not the peaceful answer, but I personally would love to carry a Samurai sword, but only if it were the norm, not that I feel the need to fit in or be normal. I just don't want to look like I'm on my way to Comic Con or something. Anyways, this drawing is also a game. There are 7 ninjas in the drawing. Can you spot them all???

SNUFFLEUPAGUS IS A PRICK

Now we finally know who's been spreading all those rumors about Bert and Ernie living together and the one about Bert being evil and all the comparisons to Hitler and the youth Nazi. It's been Snuffleupagun....what an ass. I personally always knew it was him. Can't he just mind his own business???

SHI*&T DAY AT THE JOB

Today is a whole bunch of doom and gloom today as the company I work for lays off over 25 people for a smaller company this is a huge blow and I can't help but think there could have been a better way to do this. Either way, today is going to be sad for a lot of people. I feel horrible for everyone who is going to be unemployed as of today. This cartoon is in no way trying to be funny or clever, I just draw when I'm nervous. It just is so unfortunate that one person or one company can hold so many peoples livelihood in their hands. People who give everything they have on a daily basis only to be handed a shitty deal while others do nothing and get by unscathed. It's a cruel and unfortunate world and I wish everyone who's been let go the best of luck and fortune.

AGENT JACK MEOWER

Let me attempt to set the scene here. Agent Meower has infiltrated the Terrorist mice's base but something's gone amiss and the mice have found out Jack's location. They're attempting to flank him but Jack's too smart for that and has other plans in mind. He's got to do this old school, it's the only way or "the terrorists win." Tune in next week for the stunning conclusion of "9."

GETTING CLOSE

I feel like I should have more to comment on this one, but it was one of the easiest and most fun ones I've done so far. We might hang it in the nursery, but we'll wait and see how the other ones turn out. Anyways, enjoy this sketch of my wife and baby boy at 29.5 weeks.

PIRANHA GOLDFISH

You sit there watching tv snacking on those poor innocent goldfish. Pay back's a bitch. They look cute, but in large packs there is no stopping their reign of terror. Mwaahhahahahaahaaa.. Can you tell I'm bored at work with an over active imagination? Sometimes I think I should be institutionalized. Man that's a big word.

BATMAN IS UP AT ALL HOURS?

If you think about it, Batman has to be at board meetings and probably a 9 to 5ish thing during the day then fight crime at night. You can't do that without a lot of the brown dragon...and I guess the revenge/vengance factor to keep him afloat. There is no way he's getting 8 hours of sleep. Not that I get that, but I don't fight crime either. Or do I? I guess you will never know. It's the mystery factor that keeps you on your toes

INSIDE JOKE

I'm not really sure I care if you don't get the joke. A Burger without a tie to me is hilarious and I love it like I love my dog. Even if I try to tell the joke as it happened, the mere fact that you were not there deems the story useless but I drew it anyway. That's how I roll.

DUCK TIGER

Nuff said

GARDEN OF EATIN'

Hear me out here. What if instead of Adam being duped into eating that fig off of the tree of life the friendly snake guy showed up with a fresh fig pie that he cooked from scratch with a kiss the cook bib and really honestly just wanted you to taste it to see if he added enough cinnamon? I mean cmon, that sounds almost cruel and just mean to not have helped him out. I mean he spent so much time preparing it and look how cute he is? Have you no heart? Oh, and maybe add some vanilla ice cream on top. Mmmm.... On a side note, having a pregnant wife doesn't really help me in the "will" department.

SKULLS AND BONES

Bad to the Bones. I just wanted to add a little friend for my little character. Does this one work? Let me know if you think they can be friends. comment damnit.

ALIENS AMONG US

I really thought I was the only one who thought this, but I just watch a clip on SNL

that makes me feel at ease knowing that I'm not crazy. I mean, those alien antlers

and big black dead eyes of theirs shaped exactly like all the alien movies. Just because

we can't read their minds doesn't mean they can't read ours. Beware. UPDATE: I have just found out that Geoffrey the Giraffe passed yesterday. Sad.

NICKI STANDING

So, this is the first drawing I did where Nicki was standing. I had to do it realllyyy quick due to the fact that pregnant people don't like to stand in one place for too long. I think it came out nice, all in all. I have also illustrated for those who don't know where the baby is located where my little dude is. There is an arrow pointing to the belly in the middle of the picture. Yup, right there and that's an illustration OF my baby to the right of the arrow. If you haven't found it by now I can't help you.

RAWWWRRR

A MAN CAN DREAM

I Understand this is slightly shallow and a child should be able to grow up and do what he wants, but my dad LET me go to art school and look how far that's gotten me. I'm just sayin'. I'm sure Tom Brady's parents aren't living in a little apartment cursing out their son for being awesome and rich. I'm sure they have 3 houses in Miami and 2 in New York. I think I'm just excited to see what the little dude wants to do and hopefully he wants to throw around the pig skin with his dad and have 3 or 6 beers during the game. That last part is going to have to wait though....

REST IN PEACE GENTLE FOWL

In case you missed the posting where I was chased

by a giant Wild Turkey here is the link. http://fredsketches.blogspot.com/2009/07/wild-turkey-chase.html He passed over the weekend, death by Firetruck. Why did the turkey cross the road? why...

FOOTBALL IS ALL CONSUMING

Here's that slob Andy Reid from the Eagles whom I think is funny to look at and even better for drawing. I drew Mike Singletary and that came out pretty good, tried some others and it came out like shit but Andy has a funny face and is a genuine fat person so it's easier to draw. I'm just psyched and addicted to the football season. So expect more in this Genre from here on in. I think I'm back to posting.....I think.

ABC.com - Lost - Dharma Documentary

ABC.com - Lost - Dharma Documentary

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IMOGEN HEAP

INVISIBLE BLUETOOTH FRIENDS

I can't get used to people walking and talking to the themselves fully equipped with the broad hand gestures and really only hearing one side of a conversation. It's just not and never will be natural to look at. You end up looking like a homeless crazy person wandering the streets. Maybe one day you'll be able to just beam to the other person you want to talk to or at least a hologram of them....I don't think that's too much to ask for. Oh, this is also a caricature of an odd lady that we work with and we're really not sure what she does all day.

DONT JUDGE ME

Let's get it this out of the way, you all have done it. You are guilty. If you say you're not, I will not believe you. You've all had too much coffee in your cup and have poured some into the trash. I feel terrible when I do this. It's like I'm a monster... making it tougher for the guy or girl who has to take out a bag full of hot coffee. Maybe the manager makes him/her drink it as like some starbucks initiation to keep their job. Oh god, that's horrible... I really hope they don't do that..

THE SEX

Yeah! We found out the sex and you can tell what the sex is just by looking at the color of the drawing. If you are colorblind, I guess you will never know what we are having.... hahahahaaaa..

I don't think I know anyone who is colorblind so I think I'm in the clear. If you are colorblind, I am sorry for making fun. I feel terrible now.

MICRO ART

In honor of this guy Willard Wigan who does minature sculptures on the tip of a nail I've done a minature drawing of the Mona Lisa, which as it turns out is as useless as this guys sculptures. Why spend weeks working on something that you can accidentally sneeze on and destroy it. It's like painting in invisible ink. Actually, that's not a half bad idea...hmmm, I've just copywrighted this idea. YOU CAN'T HAVE IT! not yours.

MOVED IN

For some reason unbeknownst to me, moving is always a pain in the ass no matter how hard you try to plan it out. I'm not going to get into it, but after 5 days, 2 houses to move out of, 2 storage units, 2 vans, an apartment, tons of damaged furniture, missing bed bolts, oh... if you rent a u-haul, MAKE SURE any damage before you leave has a little clear sticker with an x or you might have to pay for those damages... also, in PA. Beer is sold by the case and not in six packs. That's a little off topic, but the move sucked, and the Verizon Fios people are just as useless as the cell phone people. Anyways, I digress, I'm moved in and after not having the internet for 6 days, I'm up and running again. I love my apartment and Newtown, PA, but I don't want to move again for awhile....if I can avoid it.

IM BACK...DID U NOTICE I WASN'T AROUND?

I'm sorry for not posting sat, sun, AND monday. Honestly, I haven't had a spare second to do much of anything besides pack and work. Me and my wife are moving to PA in 3 days and it's a ton of work. This is boring, here are birds shitting on my car. Enjoy.

PREHISTORIC JERSEY

Ah, a lovely day at the beach with our little friends packed nicely away in an igloo cooler. He's listening to "Walk the Dinosaur", by the one hit wonders, "was(not was)"...... It's a great day in Prehistoric Jersey, no Red Tide, no Bennies, you don't have to pay to get onto the beach, sit in traffic with angry guys in Guinea tees and visors, no hypodermic needles on the shores... actually now that I think about it, weren't the land masses all connected back then?

BAD INFLUENCE

My child is not going near this guy. He's rotten to the core, but he IS fun at parties. I guess that counts for something.

EXPLAIN THIS TO ME

Can Someone please tell me why a United States Government Started Insurance company has a BRITISH Gecko for it's spokesperson? This baffles me, especially since it originally had an American Accent. The Gecko has gone all Green Day on us.. American Born wantabe Brits. Don't get me wrong. I like the British folk, but giving yourself a accent from a country you didn't come from is just plain odd.

DONT LIE TO ME

This morning on our drive into work, I saw this van with the words "EXPERT PAINTER" written on the side of it. How do I know he's not lying about being that good? No one is going to put beginner painter, or clumsy painter on their van. I wonder if his title garners more work and I wonder if people are fooled by his lies. I guess I'll never know. At lead Sinn Fein is honest about his skills, but we all know honesty doesn't pay. That is the lesson today.

GOLF FOR NO REASON

I did this painting about 5 years ago for my dad. It looks great in person, here...eh. It's okay. It's just a golf oil painting, but it came out cool and I'm tired so no more posts tonight. Enjoy?

WE HIT A THOUSAND

This is to celebrate getting over a thousand hits on my humble blog. I'm smiling.., but you can't see cause there is no camera here. Also, I'm not sure if I'm going to get in trouble for posting fake money..hmmmm. we'll see I guess..

UPDATE: I have now fixed the problem.. I have now put Kevin Bacon in the 1000 dollar note to make sure you can't use it. Sorry Federal Government. I'll be more careful next time.

WILMA'S WISING UP

Did anyone really NOT see this coming? I mean, Fred yelled all the time and was over weight and kept getting fired... Honestly, I don't blame her, he had it coming. I just feel bad for Betty.

BAD HALLOWEEN COSTUME COUPLES

I have no idea what this dude was thinking... a fork does not go in that outlet. Didn't his mom teach him better???

MEGAN FOX

Why did I draw and fully illustrate Megan Fox. Perhaps the question you should be asking is why not. I know, I know... some times she's childish and she can't act worth a damn, but you have to admit, she's striking. I thought about the trying the whole Marilyn Monroe thing and it kinda ended up like the 80's vidal sasson posters you would see when you are getting a hair cut and you know what, I think that Fu@#ing RULES!! I think it's a sweet look. That guy who did that ad I now greatly respect. :)

SHHH...SHE'S RESTING

Look at the belly area, my baby is a growin'. We find out whether the peanut is a he or she peanut. We'll seeee

ETRADE IS EASY

Sinn Fein just purchased 1000 shares of Crocs Shoes and Sirius Satellite Radio. I hope he knows what he's doing. I hope he doesn't think that's a real mouse and he's just batting it around not actually realizing what stocks he's purchasing. That would be terrible.

MEETING SKETCHES

I was at a disney meeting yesterday in the city so i really had no time to get some good solid drawings to post, but here is what I write in my notes during those meetings. The one on the left is my boss...

SAD

I was extremely sad when heath died. Yes, because it's sad when people die, but also because it was the rebirth of the batman series and I'm a comic dork...Who knows what the next one is going to bring, but it's not going to top the dark knight. Sad

POLAR BEAR

NINJA?

This is kind of a ninja who also has bionics... Not sure how practical that is, but that's what shakin' in this sketch. Bam

BUSY AND UNINSPIRED

I literally have not done a single decent drawing all day. The sinn fein drawing I did two days ago and the Calvin drawing I did last night. Some days you just suck. Seriously. Anyways, I decided to take my lack of creativity today to showcase some of the crap I do at my job. I drew this..it's not their art. so... enjoy.

POUNCE

Get em boy!

FIGHT CLUB

First: Let's get it out of the way, obviously there are similarities to the calvin drawing and mine... honestly in the beginning it was intentional, but Watterson stole from peanuts and I'm taking a couple little things from him. I've been such a big calvin and hobbes fan that honestly when I drew this I felt for a sec like I was standing next to a big celebrity that I actually cared about. I know, odd. Here is me Bob and Calvin and Hobbes.

HANGIN' IN THERE

HAHAHHAAA.... I'm sure sinn fein is sayin' what the F$#!, get off your ass and come help me you assh#@$. I think reaction to those inspirational posters would be different if it was a woman or a guy hanging on a high ledge by the skin of their teeth. Anyways, just a thought.